While doing some research on HP Deskjet models for a thing we do where we pretend to be a man who knows about printers, we found this page – which lets you talk to a woman, live, and for free.

We assume it’s free. Unless times are so hard for HP it’s had to turn to niche sex chat.

Good lord. Has it come to this? Are we all so desperate for popularity we will turn to a COOL BIRD IN SUNGLASSES for assistance? We would rather get caught looking at pornography of real birds wearing sunglasses than risk clicking on anything to do with this horrifying page.

Let’s not even refer to this product/tool by name, lest it gain .0000001 percent more status on the old Google rankings.

Saw this during a short trip back to mainstream consumer land. Stood staring it at it in a mixture of shock, confusion and wonder, like the monkeys looking at the monolith at the beginning of ’2001′.

If there was a big bit of bone handy, several shop assistants might have been bludgeoned.

Has anyone ever read a Bookazine? Is it just a way publishers can get away with charging £7.99 for a compilation of bits from old magazines by using a slightly thicker type of paper stock for the cover?

i360. Can you imagine the sense of TRIUMPH everyone concerned felt when they left the meeting room having decided to call their product i360? They must’ve felt like GODS. Gods of creativity. Gods that will soon make BILLIONS of POUNDS, thanks to combining both the “i” naming trend and the “360″ naming trend.

Even more brilliantly, i360 is a device that lets you WEAR your iPod Nano ON YOUR HEAD while you are out doing EXTREME ACTIVITIES. Sorry about all the capital letters, this sort of idiocy just naturally brings them out.

Unbelievable. This would be a good update to end the existence of the internet and all of modern life with. In fact, we may as well just… *BLOWS BRAIN OVER WALL LIKE AT THE END OF ‘DOWNFALL’*

She seems to be called Gemma Mengual, if our understanding of the Spanish LG press site is correct. They don’t mention the model name of the washing machine.

A clear message to children that it’s OK to climb inside washing machines as long as you’re in a wet suit.

You need to put her on a boil wash, so the meat easily falls off the bone.

This might come in handy if you’re in any sort of lockdown settings or state of conflict with your ISP. Or it might not. It’s been a while since we had to get angry about DNS settings.

Stuff about it here, if you still care about customising settings and speed tests. Extra-Last is operated on default all the way these days. Life is too short to be conducting line speed tests all evening. Gets in the way of sulking in a different room from everyone else.

It’s a bloody PC on a bench. They’d better not have received millions of dollars of development money for coming up with this piece of rubbish.

Behold – the most superfluous screen yet discovered.

And look at that wheel. You could disable it by putting a yogurt pot on the floor in front of it.

The girls claim that Windows 7 was their idea, so perhaps that kindly-featured blonde one might be able to pop round some time to solve a few driver conflicts our soundcard is generating on startup?

We’re running Windows Vista, so maybe that’s not their area of expertise. Either way, if a current or even ex-Sugababe could offer some help that would be great. Thanks.

“OK, grandma, now insert the WEP key for your router… your WEP key. The WEP key? You know, the WEP key. What’s your WEP key? NO! Don’t tell me over the phone, the government might be listening”.

Here’s Valerie Singleton explaining. She doesn’t explain where the WEP key goes, that must be the Big Reveal for video #2.

They’re going to have a viral SMASH on their hands with this, we suspect. It’s in aid of the SimplicITy PC range, two new machines for old people. They use Linux, which is handy, as granddad’s always expressing an interest in getting his hands on the latest Ubuntu binary release.

It’s the TAG Heuer Meridiist Automobili Lamborghini. It’s smaller than a Lamborghini, but every bit as ugly. It will also be owned by the lucky few for whom council tax bills are something to be laughed off and paid with loose change, rather than a crippling monthly burden.

Suppose it’s also for people who have better things to do with their lives than spend hours and hours slowly scrolling through lists of “apps” they have no intention of buying or using.

We were hoping the recession might have killed off rubbish ideas like this, but no. A Swarovski crystal version in gold trim with a better camera will be along soon.