Entries in the ‘STATIC OBJECTS WITH FACES’ Category:

Static non-powered objects with FACES #54

Some buildings.

screaming buildings 1

“These were taken last year whilst on a boat on the Nile” – Brooza.

screaming buildings 2

No need to boast. Air travel is affordable to almost everyone these days.

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #45: A crying toilet

Imagine what it has witnessed. Swaying drunks supporting their heads on the wall and weeing on their shoes. Day in, day out. You would cry too, if it happened to you.

crying elephant

“Good day, I recently spotted this tearful slave elephant busily washing away men’s urine, pubic hair, phlegm, bogies, jizz etc., and thought of you. I’d hasten to add that I don’t normally think of men in toilets (I presume you are a man?) or actively use a camera in one either. Pic taken on my work mobile (some basic Nokia effort). Please don’t use my real name – let me think up a random one… how about ‘George Michael'” – George Michael.

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Bits of Dirt on the Floor with FACES #1 & #2

Poor old “GigerPunk” is now seeing faces on the floor. Here’s a gallery, as there’s no way on earth we’re writing five captions about bits of food waste that have somehow ended up looking like faces due to the motion of the cleaning process.

Finally, we’ve found something we’re TOO GOOD for.

Apparently they were spotted on the floor of a “friend’s kitchen” which we think is GigerPunk’s way of saying his kitchen floor is tidier than this.

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #46: Rice crackers

Man spots what could possibly be the likeness of Jesus in a rice cracker. Happy Jesus (left) pictured after successfully coming back to life, and slightly “perturbed” Jesus, pictured there looking a bit confused at all the dead people caused by the series of bizarre fairytales that have been built up surrounding his existence.


“Hello, assuming it’s a slow day as per you might want this ‘content’ for your page. Here are some rice crackers with faces made out of what I can only hope is seaweed and not small squares of black sugar paper. The one on the left is happy, probably because his brain cavity is flattened indicating possible slow-wittedness. The one on the right is perturbed. And rightly so” – Paul in sunny Manchester.

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Abel & Cole’s Family Mushroom Stroganoff Pie

The pie… has a… FACE ON IT :(

abel cole family mushroom stroganoff

“Pie. Face. Pie-face! Not technology, certainly, but then neither are buildings or handbags” – Ronan.

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Ladies’ bags with FACES #223453

Here’s another one of these, accompanied by a touching story about a reader who maintains a SECRET LIFE as an ordinary member of society who does shockingly normal things. Really wish we’d tagged up all the previous ‘Bags with Faces’ we’ve had as there’s been loads and they’ve all been quite good.

We didn’t think there would be enough mileage in it to make into a proper ‘thing’. If only we’d known just how much it could’ve been milked.


“While out wedding shoe shopping with my soon-to-be wife, god help me, I spotted this little fella which cheered me up no end. As you can see from the pic I tried to secretly take the photo while my GF was distracting the shopkeeper, who I shall call Big Gay Al, after the South Park Character. While nonchalantly pretending to text. Hence the thumb in frame. The bag looked a bit S&M to me, so I was disappointed not to find an orange ball inside when I managed to unbolt his cakehole” – Ian / Cyberfyn.

“After several hours we still didn’t find ‘the’ shoes”

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #43: A DuoTang portfolio

Here’s a picture of a sad face, accompanied by worrying news that one of our readers is allowed to be responsible for a child.

At what point do you have to mount an internet clear-up operation, when your child becomes “self-aware” and starts using Google to see if its dad is mentioned on the internet?

Contrite Duo Tang

“My daughter’s school work is collected in this blue DuoTang portfolio. Inside front cover (upside down) it shows how sad it is to be the bearer of bad news like homework assignments or notes from the teacher. I was going to slip in the letter I got when I was fired by my last employer just for an added touch of pathos, but that would be manipulative” – Rob.

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Andy’s miscellaneous facial finds

Andy has found a better set of kitchen scales with a face.

Can someone with access to a time machine travel back in time to 1984 and tell the young us to pay more attention to maths and physics in school, to avert a desperate future life where we spend all day fielding emails about kitchen equipment with what looks like faces on them? Thanks.


“Those kitchen scales with a face the other day were a bit rubbish. Have a PROPER kitchen thing with a face – a pressure cooker lid.”


“It has a face on both sides. I had to angle the one photo so you cant see my mug in the reflection.”


“Also, I was playing Rainbow Six Vegas 2, and saw an advert for ‘something’.”


“As a bonus – have a picture of a car dashboard that looks a bit like Darth Vader, and has many faces depending on how you look at it. Cant remember if I sent you this one before. Should be plenty enough to keep the site running for one more painful day. I’ve given you the original files off my camera because i know you like reading EXIF data” – Andy

The EXIF data is coming up as blank for us. But given that the photos came out at a resolution of 800 x 600, we suspect the involvement of Sony Ericsson.

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #42: A house

Got sent this enormous 4.2MB photo of a house or at least building with a face in London, accompanied by an essay about film cameras and fictional EXIF data. It’s humbling when readers put in more effort than we’ve managed for months.


“So I think this is someone’s home. It’s in a location in London which I feel may be rich pickings for Static Non-Powered Objects with Faces, so I’m not going to reveal exactly where in case it ruins my chances of appearing on here every week for the next 7 years. Which is obviously my only ambition in life.

You may find the EXIF data disappointing, if it even exists. I expect you’ll find some babble about Photoshop, that’s because I took this photo using a film camera. Remember those? I found one recently that I didn’t know I had, took it out “for a spin”…and got this. Impressive huh?

Here’s your analogue EXIF data

Camera: Weird Minolta AFT thing that seems to serve no useful purpose

Film: Fuji 400H – too expensive for such a crap camera

Exposure: Who knows? It’s a needlessly massive point and shoot.

Processing: The lovely lady at Snappy Snaps

Scanning: Badly. Me. At home

Dust marks: Probably on the scanner, or maybe the film – can’t be bothered to remove it from such a godawful photo.

Should have taken it on my phone really” – S.

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #41: Another ash tray

Next winter, when we get very, very bored and try to think of ideas for new blogs to start up for something to do other than putting things in the fire that shouldn’t really go in the fire, it’s just possible we’ll end up doing a blog about ash trays with faces.

There seems to be enough of them about.


“Sorta looks like it has Down’s Syndrome. Prolly all kinds of EXIF stuff in this pic. Took it with me iPhone. See u in my dreams” – J.

It identifies cameras and camera settings, so by telling us you took it with an iPhone you’re making the need for an EXIF examination redundant.

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