Entries in the ‘PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY’ Category:

“I’m a j… j…j… journalist”

“Er, my name’s, er, my name’s G… G… my name is G… G… I should be down under G… G…”

im-a-j-j-j-journalist

And so on. This update is 75% autobiographical and set in the year 1997.

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“MSI launches the Wind Top AE2400 All-In-One PC”

Hope that man is only an optional extra. It would be rather intrusive if you couldn’t take him off when you need to get some work done.

msi wind ae2400 pc

On the plus side, it’s nice to see MSI finally “editorialising” its promotional imagery. It usually sends out blank-screened images of laptops.

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“Summer fun” promised by Samsung WP10 waterproof digital camera

Oh yes, you know the combination of “Samsung” and “waterproof camera” can only mean one thing…

It’s the Swimsuit Round!

samsung wp 10 waterproof camera 1 samsung wp 10 waterproof camera 4

Don’t panic, the pictures go bigger than this. We’re just using an alternate layout to get out of having to write individual captions for each one.

samsung wp 10 waterproof camera 2

Although, it shouldn’t be that hard writing captions when you’re allowed to use as many variations of the word “fluid” as you can think of.

samsung wp 10 waterproof camera 3

“Moist… wet… damp… dripping… spray… spraying… squirt… etc etc”

samsung wp 10 waterproof camera 5

Swimming in it. Here’s the official text:

Samsung announced on Jun. 14th the launch of its waterproof compact camera WP10 that boasts 12M pixels sensor, 5x optical zoom and 2.7-inch Intelligent LCD.

WP10 has a function of waterproof that withstands up to 3m in the water or dust for an hour. 2.7-inch Intelligent LCD on the back controls the screen brightness in response to changes in the surrounding illumination, allowing vivid images in water and land.

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Philips Fidelio and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

We do like the ones about music. It’s hard to illustrate a man listening to music, so here he is, looking as the empty space where he imagines the sound waves might be:

philips-fidelio-lifestyle

Incredibly, that unit seems to have been Photoshopped in, as its legs are not producing any shadows. You’d think it would be easier to set this dull scene up in a corner of the office than create it digitally.

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Samsung’s new washing machine has the largest drum capacity yet

Ideal for children. Just put them in, clothes and all.

samsung child capacity

Give them a fragrant plant to hold, so they emerge smelling fresh. Stronger detergents are available for little boys.

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Philips GoGear Muse and URBAN NEO-FUTURISTIC LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

This is what everyone in London thinks they look like:

philips gogear muse

Obviously didn’t actually fly model to Japan. And we only go back to London for funerals and low-power business meetings these days, so don’t care if we’re due a beating on arrival next time.

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LG Mini and MULTIPLE INSTANCES of the word “mini”

The phone is called the LG Mini, the car is a Mini and those dresses are rather mini as well. Girl #3 and girl #5 from L-to-R are both also called Minnie, due to a rise in popularity of the Disney franchises in South Korea during the mid-1980s.

lg mini launch

That it. Nice shoes. Wouldn’t complain about getting any of them in some sort of high-class ‘lucky dip’ competition late at night in an LG paid-for hotel suite.

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Samsung and James Cameron seal deal with OCTOSHAKE

Rather than all individually shake hands and therefore risk someone getting left out amid the confusion, Samsung decided to simply let everyone have a go all at once to ensure each man got a go with each other man.

We’re calling it the OCTOSHAKE.

octo-shake

Guess the key is to not make eye contact with any of the other men, lest it start to feel a little too intimate and warm and comfortable.

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APPLE PRETENDS TO INVENT: Video calling

Remember video calling? It was a minor fad in the year 2005, when a few high-end mobile phones came with two cameras on them because the mobile networks wanted to make billions of pounds out of us video calling each other for £6.99 per minute.

It didn’t catch on because we’re all actually quite ugly.

iphone 4 video calls

That’s not a problem in Apple’s MENTAL PRETEND LAND, where everyone’s got acceptable faces.

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Samsung’s SENS-X170 and FANTASY IMAGERY!

You’d think something called the SENS-X170 would be worth buying on impulse. It has to be something nice with a model number like that, surely? They wouldn’t waste an X-designation on something pink and rubbish and for women, would they?

SENS-X170-Barbie-Special-Edition

Yes. A tragic waste of an X-designation. It’s a Barbie-endorsed laptop for… for… for troubling grown-up ladies who were so emotionally damaged during childhood they’re still attached to stupid pink things and toys.

BUT WOULD STILL LIKE TO:
Spend half an hour rifling through their personal photographs over the wireless network.

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