Entries in the ‘OFF THE INTERNET’ Category:

Bitly.TV for seeing what other people are doing

If you’re still refusing to go on Twitter because it’s been on the news and is popular and you’re a bit busy listening to Rage Against the Machine, you won’t know about Bit.ly. It’s a URL-shortening service, so people can share links without having the http://www.websiteaddress/wp-content/uploads part of the address taking up all the space needed for acerbic and ironic commentary.

Anyway, Bit.ly now has Bitly.TV, a list of automatically-generated links to the most popular videos that are currently being shared online.

None of you will care about this, we are starting to realise, but the image has already been captured and inserted so we may as well press on with it.

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That’s what the public are watching on Bitly.TV. Stupid public. We assume there will soon be one based around porn arriving soon.

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Want someone to talk to?

While doing some research on HP Deskjet models for a thing we do where we pretend to be a man who knows about printers, we found this page – which lets you talk to a woman, live, and for free.

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We assume it’s free. Unless times are so hard for HP it’s had to turn to niche sex chat.

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Seemingly not-ironic Sugababes endorsement of Windows 7

The girls claim that Windows 7 was their idea, so perhaps that kindly-featured blonde one might be able to pop round some time to solve a few driver conflicts our soundcard is generating on startup?

We’re running Windows Vista, so maybe that’s not their area of expertise. Either way, if a current or even ex-Sugababe could offer some help that would be great. Thanks.

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SimplicITy – a simple computer for old people

“OK, grandma, now insert the WEP key for your router… your WEP key. The WEP key? You know, the WEP key. What’s your WEP key? NO! Don’t tell me over the phone, the government might be listening”.

Here’s Valerie Singleton explaining. She doesn’t explain where the WEP key goes, that must be the Big Reveal for video #2.

They’re going to have a viral SMASH on their hands with this, we suspect. It’s in aid of the SimplicITy PC range, two new machines for old people. They use Linux, which is handy, as granddad’s always expressing an interest in getting his hands on the latest Ubuntu binary release.

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LG BL40 “Chocolate” phone launch shame

Blimey. Found this. Seems to be from an amazingly decadent LG launch party for its new “Chocolate” mobile. She must’ve been craned into position judging by her shoes.

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Not entirely sure if that’s a real woman or a mannequin, but would still like to spend five minutes prodding it before pulling one of its legs off to take home as a trophy.

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Everyone’s going to feel very silly tomorrow morning. Especially the man.

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Major corporation RUINS things with faces

American Express has mainstream-ised the ‘faces’ thing in the US. Now every commoner is going to be taking photos of public ashtrays, ironing boards and toilet hand dryers.

This won’t stop us doing it, mind. A thing is a thing, regardless of if it’s been DONE TO DEATH or not.

“I don’t know if anyone has had the heart to show you this yet. Clearly, someone at American Express’ ad agency has stolen your intellectual property and made an enormous pile of US dollars off it. It’s only the inanimate objects with *angry* faces from now on, then, yes?” – Robotslave.

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BATTERY INNOVATIONS: The winder upper

The wind-up battery. Possibly the greatest innovation in battery design since a very bored man first stuck a piece of wire into a lemon.

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Sadly the battery is indeed a wind-up – it’s only a concept. It will not be available at Maplins in time for Christmas. More proper design nonsense probably made by an art student here.

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LIVE BLOG: Bijin-Tokei, AKA the Japanese Lady Clock

It only updates once every minute, but even a Japanese Lady Clock tells the right time once a minute.

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If your workplace blocks internet TV services or most common types of pornography, this is a very good replacement.

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We only ever glance at the TV once a minute nowadays, thanks to 24/7 ALWAYS ON INTERNET HELL.

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“It’s a clock. It’s probably the best clock in the world. I can’t stop watching it. I’m not getting much work done” – Darrell.

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See how early we get out of bed for YOUR entertainment?

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You’re probably wondering if we could keep this up all day.

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Probably could if challenged or forced.

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But will stop soon.

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Will be back after midnight tonight to see if it gets any spicier.

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UP! hold it UP!

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Thanks. Now change into something a little more serious and businesslike and grow your hair at the front.

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“The photos can be saved in your photographic library. By doing so, it is possible to gaze at your favorite woman at any time”.

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Here’s a link to the iPhone app, so the makers don’t mind the way we’ve ‘exported’ a good ten minutes of its content. See you same time tomorrow, ladies.

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Microsoft’s Windows 7 launch “party” video

No idea what to make of this. It might be ironic. It might be a joke. It’s like watching “Seinfeld” and not really knowing when you’re supposed to laugh, or if it’s a serious moral bit with sad bass guitar music.

“Hello. This Microsoft promotional film is probably supposed to be dreadful, because that way it will spread across the internet and as a result, people will buy Windows 7. However, it has to be seen to be believed” – Alex.

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Friendly-faced FAKE ROBOT KILLER pictured abducting nurses

Be wary, ladies. He’s irresistibly charming, but can’t be trusted. Just because his face can’t display emotion it doesn’t mean he’s not getting off on it. One flick of an internal micro switch and she’ll be FOLDED in HALF.

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Definitely a man inside. You can see his arms.

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