Another odd lighting-based set of promotional photographs from Philips, featuring a woman who’s definitely ‘phoning it in’ today from the confines of her recently painted warehouse conversion.

Faces on both tray AND lampshade, as if they’re having a conversation with each other. Which is why she’s feeling left out and is looking around for someone else to talk to as she hasn’t got much in common with the sort of things trays and lampshades talk about.

This one doesn’t seem to have a product in it at all, unless Philips has branched out into laminates and laminate-based furnishings, or huge mirrors. If that even is a mirror. Everything’s a lie these days, isn’t it?

Looks like Philips is following LG’s lead in the POWER SPHERE field, with the arrival of this ominous, looming presence – which is something to do with a ‘Living Colours’ idea.

INITIAL IMPRESSION: Possibly a bit too invasive for everyday home use.

Light bulbs. Something to do with new kinds of light bulbs. Light bulbs you spend £39.99 on in the hope you save 0.01p per year on electricity.

Hope that’s his woman he’s looking at, and he’s not taking advantage of the other man being distracted by the beer to have a look at his woman.

This lampshade comes with a built-in multi-directional wireless HD video camera.

A company called Hansgrohe has put this inspirational piece of technology on the internet, which lets you interact with a woman in the shower. You can change the flow and temperature, but not the camera.

And putting the dial all the way to cold does indeed get a reaction.

“This is brilliant. You press the buttons on the shower control (RainBrain) and get her all nice and clean. Makes me want to buy one ASAP. This will be a winner on ExtraLast. PS: I don’t work for Hansgrohe, I was just looking to buy a tap for home” – Scott.

No, it’s OK, you haven’t forgotten AGAIN this year – we’ve just somehow ended up on the Apple US mailing list, where it’s currently trying to convince the Yanks to buy “mom” an iPod Touch for Mother’s Day.

Here, mum, I’ve got you something you won’t understand to emphasise how old and out of touch with modern technology you are. Put it in the cupboard.

MIND BOGGLED!

“It is some sort of stage lighting apparatus. It’s got a little happy baby face (BLEEUUUGH,) an angry guy with big white teeth, and a sort of floating robot drone man. I think the baby might have pierced ears. I sincerely hope this is helpful information” – E.

Never seen one of these. Don’t like being hot. Don’t like being naked. Don’t being hot and naked where another person might casually stroll through the door with an erection and sit on a towel next to us and start making small talk.

So they might all look like this, or this might be a one-off. We just don’t know.

“We call them ‘kiuas’ in Finnish. Not sure why he’s so happy about being filled with scorching hot rocks and being poured water over. Maybe it’s a she, with the ear jewelry and all” – Manu.

It’s a stereo 3D camcorder, and this is what you’ll see while a man’s filming you from underneath the adjoining wall of your toilet cubicle:

“Not only a face, it’s a living organism, it’s checking you out while you hold it. From Engadget. Thats all” – Stelios.

DARE you touch the SPHERE of DESTINY? Are you BRAVE ENOUGH to confront your FUTURE? What HORRORS LURK IN WAIT though the ENERGY FLUX PORTAL?

SPHERE of DESTINY is available on a 24-month contract exclusively through ASDA for 50p a week.

Poor old “GigerPunk” is now seeing faces on the floor. Here’s a gallery, as there’s no way on earth we’re writing five captions about bits of food waste that have somehow ended up looking like faces due to the motion of the cleaning process.

Finally, we’ve found something we’re TOO GOOD for.

Apparently they were spotted on the floor of a “friend’s kitchen” which we think is GigerPunk’s way of saying his kitchen floor is tidier than this.

Blimey, it’s been a while. So long, in fact, that we just had to “Google” battery sizes to remind ourselves of the official letter designation of this format of battery.

It’s the D-cell, AKA the FAT ONES.

“You have not had any new battery pictures for a while, it may be because the fad is over. As usual I am way behind what’s hip and cool”

“These batteries came with a spray pump for, erm, spraying woodstain onto our fence” – Dave.

Thanks, Dave! Seeing batteries again is like a deep, dark fog has just been lifted from us!

Just image rolling that smooth, cool exterior between your hands!

Don’t want to touch them now. But thanks.