Archive for February, 2010:

Things branded “360” – Panasonic’s new 360 Quick Iron

You know what annoys us the most about the modern world? That a company like Panasonic can launch a new product, spend tens and possibly even hundreds of thousands of pounds on developing and promoting it, with the end result being…

…a rubbish YouTube video that’s gained 23 views three days after being uploaded. Dear Panasonic, we could do better than that for a retainer of £50 a day. Consider that a binding written offer.

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*Jingle* Promotional Image of the Weeeek

Here’s a FedEx courier, mentally imagining himself to be the star of a cheap pornographic movie.

fedex-courier

However, she’s mentally imagining herself to be the victim on next month’s Crimewatch, which is why she’s already mentioned her husband three times in their 20-second conversation.

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #43: A DuoTang portfolio

Here’s a picture of a sad face, accompanied by worrying news that one of our readers is allowed to be responsible for a child.

At what point do you have to mount an internet clear-up operation, when your child becomes “self-aware” and starts using Google to see if its dad is mentioned on the internet?

Contrite Duo Tang

“My daughter’s school work is collected in this blue DuoTang portfolio. Inside front cover (upside down) it shows how sad it is to be the bearer of bad news like homework assignments or notes from the teacher. I was going to slip in the letter I got when I was fired by my last employer just for an added touch of pathos, but that would be manipulative” – Rob.

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Andy’s miscellaneous facial finds

Andy has found a better set of kitchen scales with a face.

Can someone with access to a time machine travel back in time to 1984 and tell the young us to pay more attention to maths and physics in school, to avert a desperate future life where we spend all day fielding emails about kitchen equipment with what looks like faces on them? Thanks.

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“Those kitchen scales with a face the other day were a bit rubbish. Have a PROPER kitchen thing with a face – a pressure cooker lid.”

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“It has a face on both sides. I had to angle the one photo so you cant see my mug in the reflection.”

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“Also, I was playing Rainbow Six Vegas 2, and saw an advert for ‘something’.”

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“As a bonus – have a picture of a car dashboard that looks a bit like Darth Vader, and has many faces depending on how you look at it. Cant remember if I sent you this one before. Should be plenty enough to keep the site running for one more painful day. I’ve given you the original files off my camera because i know you like reading EXIF data” – Andy

EXIF UNKNOWN
The EXIF data is coming up as blank for us. But given that the photos came out at a resolution of 800 x 600, we suspect the involvement of Sony Ericsson.

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Gadgets with FACES #189: Typhoon kitchen scales

Haven’t got around to installing the EXIF data tool on the laptop just yet, so we can’t confirm which camera “Darren” used to take this photo. But, as he was at a “party” on a Saturday night, it was probably an iPhone.

typhoon-scales-face

“I was at a party last night and I noticed this wee beauty sitting in the corner. I had to wait till morning to get the shot. He looks like he can’t wait to weigh my peaches” – Darren.

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #42: A house

Got sent this enormous 4.2MB photo of a house or at least building with a face in London, accompanied by an essay about film cameras and fictional EXIF data. It’s humbling when readers put in more effort than we’ve managed for months.

Minolta-AFT---Pro400H---024

“So I think this is someone’s home. It’s in a location in London which I feel may be rich pickings for Static Non-Powered Objects with Faces, so I’m not going to reveal exactly where in case it ruins my chances of appearing on here every week for the next 7 years. Which is obviously my only ambition in life.

You may find the EXIF data disappointing, if it even exists. I expect you’ll find some babble about Photoshop, that’s because I took this photo using a film camera. Remember those? I found one recently that I didn’t know I had, took it out “for a spin”…and got this. Impressive huh?

Here’s your analogue EXIF data

Camera: Weird Minolta AFT thing that seems to serve no useful purpose

Film: Fuji 400H – too expensive for such a crap camera

Exposure: Who knows? It’s a needlessly massive point and shoot.

Processing: The lovely lady at Snappy Snaps

Scanning: Badly. Me. At home

Dust marks: Probably on the scanner, or maybe the film – can’t be bothered to remove it from such a godawful photo.

Should have taken it on my phone really” – S.

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We’ve got another new mobile phone

It’s half the size of our last one, and has a screen that does black as well as white. It’s manufactured by Great Personal Solutions, which is what that logo stands for.

ais-pda

The additional camera attachment comes with its own carry-trolley.

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Philips GoGear SA1VBE and some WOMAN LEGS!

She’s so engrossed in her music she wouldn’t notice you scrabbling around on the floor in front of her with a digital camera hidden in your shoe.

philips gogear

Looks a bit basic. Doesn’t look like it’s also something else. Looks like it’s just an MP3 player, not even also a camera or also a phone. We must’ve been emailed through a link to the “emerging markets” press centre by mistake.

THE CAPTION:
“Philips GoGear Portable AV Player packs big entertainment in a superbly small design. Its 1.5” full color display shows off album art and folder view ensures easy file navigation and organization. The GoGear SA1VBE uses 56% less energy, has a 23% lower packaging volume and is 29% lighter compared to its competitor.”

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Static non-powered objects with FACES #41: Another ash tray

Next winter, when we get very, very bored and try to think of ideas for new blogs to start up for something to do other than putting things in the fire that shouldn’t really go in the fire, it’s just possible we’ll end up doing a blog about ash trays with faces.

There seems to be enough of them about.

ash-tray-face

“Sorta looks like it has Down’s Syndrome. Prolly all kinds of EXIF stuff in this pic. Took it with me iPhone. See u in my dreams” – J.

ABOUT EXIF DATA:
It identifies cameras and camera settings, so by telling us you took it with an iPhone you’re making the need for an EXIF examination redundant.

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Philips Notebook USB Speakers and SURREAL LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

It’s a woman’s legs. She’s dressed to coordinate with her laptop speakers and is dancing. That makes her an automatic WOULD NOT, as she’s obviously a bit too mental.

philips notebook usb speakers

If you’re going to create a CG rendering of a laptop, you might as well also create a CG woman’s legs, saving yourself even more money.

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