Last night’s iPad launch was the finest episode of APPLE PRETENDS TO INVENT yet.┬áIt was the blockbuster, feature-length season finale of APPLE PRETENDS TO INVENT, in which Apple pulled out all the stops and pretended to invent… pretty much everything.

Including but not limited to:

- The Internet

– Web pages

– Video games

– Laptop computers

– Books

– Magazines

– Online video

ipad hi-res

It was incredible seeing Steve Jobs sitting there with his iPad, saying “It’s amazing being able to sit here and access the internet!” in a really enthusiastic voice, like he was mainly trying to convince himself or like he’d completely missed out on ever seeing a laptop or modern mobile phone.

ipad hi-res 2

And still no multitasking? People use laptops all the time nowadays, Steve, even women do this with EASE, with MSN, Twitter clients, web pages, MP3 players, streaming music services and the like all open at once – if the iPad can’t do that, it’s even more of a step backwards than most Apple products.

macbook air

And remember this? No. Exactly. Seeing experienced tech people saying iPad is a “game changer” today is a bit cringeworthy. It’s a hobbled laptop, or a phone too big to bother taking outside. At least it’s not $1999.