Aesthetically, this thing is not an improvement on Realdoll, or indeed, a blow-up doll from 1974. If you just want a Realdoll with speaker in it, HoneyDolls are the way to go. (They also feature the hilarious ‘honey flavor’.) The ‘robotic’ functions on Roxxxy are both behind the tech curve, and totally puzzling – why would someone pay for a ‘frigid’ setting on a sex toy? Bar none, the best software is in Le Trung’s Aiko, but I still wouldn’t call her appealing, as a companion or a sextoy.

Until lonely engineers realize how woefully unequipped they are to grow a business in a just-emerging sector and let some smart VC takes the reins, the physically and emotionally crippled will have to make-do with hookers. Hookers who may steal your driver’s license while you sleep. Damn filthy hookers.

Shit, I just made the horribly obvious and unfunny joke myself.

Not even this third layer of self-referential irony can save me now.