Archive for October, 2009:

Not won over by the Motorola DROID

Typical American product. Too big, too angular, too bulky, too garish – no wonder they’re all pooing themselves over this monstrosity.

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Use of capital letters for DROID is nice, though. For that we would fish one out of the bin.

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Here’s a classic from the Motorola Archives. Mother and child are both fantasising about a band member. One wants to be him, the other wants to bump into him backstage after a gig that her husband didn’t want to go to so she went alone and drunk a little bit too much and wore that skirt and those shoes and no one will ever know because he’s leaving the country tomorrow to start a Japanese tour. Something like that.

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Be glad you are not in America with Google Maps Navigator

Google is going to make lots of satnav companies and their shareholders very, very angry and quite significantly poorer with this – its free GPS navigation software, which will arrive as part of Android v2.0. That’s the news bit out of the way for today.

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Real-time overlaid geo-tagged data will let you know which of these drivers has a gun and a criminal record.

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You don’t really need satnav when your roads are just squares.

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Orange nears announcement of announcement announcement

The announcement of its next announcement announcement will be announced soon.

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The iPhone bleating is getting embarrassing. If you phone Orange and tell its call centre staff you’ll buy an iPhone off them if they get their tits out for you on a webcam, they’d almost certainly agree.

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Yu-Jun Lin, Queen of The Horizontal

Young Miss Lin pulled off a near-perfect horizontal hold at LG’s “Think, Innovate… LG 2009″ trade show over the weekend, stunning attendees with her inate sense of the horizontal.

Opting for the extremely hard left-edge hold, Miss Lin managed to display the sponsor’s sign at 99.8% true horizontal.

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The lady on the left is extremely out of shape – and she’s got a much easier sign.

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Product names that FAIL TO DELIVER: Omnitron 202

This is a lucky escape. If you’d told us we were getting an OMNITRON 202 for Christmas we’d have bitten your hands off. We’d be sitting in the corner of the room where the Christmas tree is going to go NOW, waiting for the OMNITRON 202 to arrive.

It’s going to be a Christmas to remember!

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Oh. OMNITRON 202 is boring speakers. Worst Christmas ever.

Teufel introduces the Omniton 202

A universal loudspeaker offering stunning hi-fi quality, whatever the situation

Berlin, Germany 26th October 2009: Teufel, Europe’s leading direct seller of loudspeaker systems, is pleased to announce the launch of the Omniton 202 – a universal loudspeaker designed to provide hi-fi quality sound in any environment, from gyms to pub gardens.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the combining form ‘omni’ as meaning all, everywhere, universal – and that’s exactly how the Omniton 202 gets its name. Whatever the situation, the Omniton 202 is up to the task, providing powerful, full-range sound with all the detail and sonic quality you’d expect from a Teufel product.

[Read the rest of this entry…]

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MAGIX used the launch of Windows 7 as an excuse to get a girl in

Congratulations, MAGIX. Great idea. Really brightened up the day of all the high-level staff that were allowed to help “oversee” the shoot.

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That’s the first time a web designer has ever been touched by a naked woman.

MAGIX Embraces Windows 7 by Optimizing Its Multimedia Software

LONDON–(BUSINESS WIRE)–All current program versions of MAGIX’s (GER:MGX) multimedia software run on Microsoft’s new operating system, Windows 7. MAGIX’s most important new releases for the autumn such as, Xtreme Web Designer, are being optimized specifically for Windows 7 and carry the official logo “Compatible with Windows 7″. “The speedy adjustment of our products to suit Windows 7 has once again demonstrated our innovative power,” press spokesman Ulrich Hepp comments the optimization of MAGIX’s multimedia software for the new operating system. “Microsoft’s primary aim was to develop an operating system that makes working with your PC easier and dealing with everyday tasks more effective. This is exactly the kind of focus that has been driving MAGIX and the way it develops its products for the past 15 years. That is why our goal is not simply to optimize the current and future versions of our products for the new operating system, but to improve them by integrating the new possibilities offered by Windows 7.

New operating system offers more possibilities for multimedia software

Software specialist MAGIX goes beyond simply ensuring full compatibility of its current versions and new releases with Microsoft’s new operating system. It will spend the next few months exploring the possibilities offered by Windows 7 and tailor the new features to the specific needs of its users. The aim is to make using PCs easier for beginners and experts alike. MAGIX also hopes to improve its products by taking advantage of multimedia networking, which figures prominently in Microsoft’s new operating system, and expects its multimedia software to become even more user-friendly.

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Gadgets with FACES #182: The Apple remote

This post is also to be tagged THINGS APPLE HAS PRETENDED IT INVENTED.

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“You have to turn it around first. The remote is buried in their store, you can probably find it at this link” – SuitCase.

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BATTERIES: Duracell Procell, Golden Power, SKYSUN

A sensational set, featuring with flash and without flash variants, in situ shots, rare 9v action (connected and disconnected) and exciting images of the Duracell brand extension.

Phew.

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“Two naughty PP3 ‘Golden Power’ batteries and a couple of AA SKYSUNs (Extra Heavy Duty), found in 3 multimeters.”

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“Also, a couple of newer Duracell Powrcell batteries that have now┬áreplaced the Skysuns.”

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“Sorry picture quality’s not great, left my camera at home so had to
rely on a borrowed Nokia E75. Not too bad actually, for a phone. No idea what it’s like to actually use as a phone, though probably better than my camera is” – GigerPunk.

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That’s OK. The harshness of the low-grade LED flash brings up the colours nicely.

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This is the best one. It’s like the square ones are policemen and they have just disturbed the two AAs getting up to something naughty. And those screw holes look like eyes, so they’re doing it in a big mouth. Fucking hell, some sort of holiday or extreme muscle relaxant is required.

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Exciting new media player empowers users…

ALERT CONDITION PINK!

TECLAST!

TECLAST-CONDITION-PINK-ALERT

TECLAST!

ALERT CONDITION PINK!

TECLAST!

TECLAST-CONDITION-PINK-ALERT

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Teclast is BACK with its deadest-eyed shoot yet!

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Sssssshhhhhhh! That little secret of WHAT WE DID TOGETHER in the toilet must never come out.

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Small enough to fit in your suitcase for disposal.

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Light enough to be thrown over walls, fences and cliffs.

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Slim enough to only require the shallowest of graves.

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Can survive on only one charge/feed per week.

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Is nice.

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Is nice.

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Is nice.

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Amazing DUAL CLOCK feature revealed by Acer

Acer’s “Liquid” Android phone has a slightly custom UI designed by Acer. Acer has done a good job. It features twice the usual numbers of clocks. In the complicated world of modern technology, it is nice to see something we understand – two clocks is better than one clock.

No one can argue with that assessment.

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That’s standard time on the left, and dog time on the right so you know when to feed it.

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