Archive for August, 2009:

Canon Legria HF20 HD camcorder and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

What are they filming? A polar bear? Hopefully those smiles will turn to pained grimaces as the hungry bear tears them to pieces. Him first, her for pudding.


Very jealous of their hair and teeth and carefree youthful attitudes.

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McAfee associates itself with Jessica Biel

Terrible activity. Associating yourself with hi-res images of celebrities in an attempt to widen your userbase and gain random Google traffic? McAfee ought to be SICK of itself.

Here’s the photo McAfee sent out. As evidence.


Here’s the press release. Also as evidence.

McAfee, Inc. Names Jessica Biel the Most Dangerous Celebrity in Cyberspace

Brad Pitt Loses His Title as the Most Dangerous as McAfee’s Third Annual Report Reveals the Riskiest Celebrities to Search on the Web

SANTA CLARA, Calif.–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Jessica Biel has overtaken Brad Pitt as the most dangerous celebrity to search in cyberspace, according to Internet security company McAfee, Inc. (NYSE:MFE). For the third year in a row, McAfee researched Hollywood’s glamorous stars and pop culture’s most famous people to reveal the riskiest celebrities on the Web. McAfee’s latest report found that searches for Barack or Michelle Obama posed a lesser threat compared to others.

Fans searching for “Jessica Biel” or “Jessica Biel downloads,” “Jessica Biel wallpaper,” “Jessica Biel screen savers,” “Jessica Biel photos” and “Jessica Biel videos” have a one in five chance of landing at a Web site that’s tested positive for online threats, such as spyware, adware, spam, phishing, viruses and other malware. Searching for the latest celebrity news and downloads can cause serious damage to one’s personal computer.

Every day, cybercriminals use celebrities’ names and images, like Kim Kardashian and Rihanna, to lure surfers searching for the latest stories, screen savers and ringtones to sites offering free downloads laden with malware.

Beyonce – Number Two for Two Years Counting

Pop music phenom Beyoncé maintained her number two position for the second consecutive year, setting McAfee’s record as the overall most frequent, highly-ranked celebrity in the top five.
[Read the rest of this entry…]

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Energizer in D-cell ‘fake’ claim

We have no idea if this web site is serious or not, but it’s running with a SHOCK OUTING of Energizer, claiming the renowned battery maker is putting AAs into fatter D-cell cases – and making up the extra girth with plastic padding.

It’s the battery equivalent of topping up nan’s bottle of gin with water.


“The Energizer ‘D’ battery is actually just a cheap plastic shell surrounding a much smaller, low-capacity battery similar in size and capacity to an “AA” battery” – Man on Internet.

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Star Trek cologne

Mask the smell of Pringles and your own dried-up bodily fluids from the woman in the job centre.


It is an actual product for sale at an actual shop.

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Static non-powered object with FACES #34: A VIP barrier

There’s a web site which exists solely to sell barriers. There’s a mini-Photoshop Disaster on this page. We shan’t be clicking on any other pages, it’s not a life-affirming place.


“Following up from my excellent SONY batteries [SORRY ABOUT THAT, ANDREW], I bring you this static non-powered object with face. Lovingly copied from (which has some kind of weird won’t-let-you-save-photos code going on). But Anyway, look at the big smile! And my, what a fetching shade of lipstick. Those Eyes, they’re like two pools of molten silver” – Andrew.

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“Apprentice personality Raef Bjayou test drives the new Hybrid PA Bag from Live Luggage”

One of the criteria on these business success TV shows ought to be how at ease you appear when wheeling a ladies’ suitcase through Terminal 5. Do you appear awkward and embarrassed to be using a wheelie suitcase because your arms are too weak to just carry it like a man, or can you pull it off?


Raef pulls it off. You could use Raef to refrigerate a cucumber – or at least half a cucumber. We’d have to work out Raef’s exact cucumber capacity before bringing that particular idea to market.

New powered multi-bag travel suitcase makes light work of trip to airports and offers single solution for hold and cabin baggage

The very latest powered suitcase, the Hybrid PA bag from Live Luggage, the innovative luggage solutions company, has been test-driven by Raef Bjayou, star of 2008’s “The Apprentice”. During a recent trip from London to Barbados, Raef travelled from central London out to Heathrow’s sparkling new Terminal 5 and then on to Nassau, Bahamas on a British Airways flight. Having taken the Hybrid PA Bag up and down steps, along pavements, in and out of taxis and cars and walked considerable distances across airport forecourts and concourses, Raef comments:

“This product is brilliant. As someone who is involved in both business and media, travel is very much at the centre of my life. Not only does this hybrid powered luggage get me from A to B without so much as a bead of sweat upon my brow, it is also aesthetically pleasing ”

The new Hybrid PA Bag is a lightweight, soft-top suitcase with the same high-technology powered wheels, rechargeable batteries (it charges like a mobile phone) tilt switches and force senses in the clever patented anti-gravity handle system as the original Live Luggage hard-shell suitcase. The Hybrid PA Bag takes all the strain and weight out of pulling a packed case, as all the work is done by the powered wheels and handle, leaving the user with a sense of effortlessness, vital on any business trip or holiday.

The Hybrid PA Bag’s main bag was designed for Live Luggage by the famous London-based fashion and product designer Jacqui Ma. Jacqui’s brief from the company was to design a highly practical solution to that thorny problem experienced by airline travellers – adhering to the size and weight guidelines for both checked-in and hand baggage while managing to keep immediate essentials at hand and avoid having to re-distribute belongings from hand baggage to hold luggage or vice-versa at check-in.

Jacqui Ma comments:,” I had a lot fun working with the design engineering team at Live Luggage and believe this is a unique combination of technology and cool design as well as highly practical. This is a real breakthrough for anyone travelling – young and old, back or front of the plane. I believe this Hybrid PA Bag will be a must-have fashion item, because as well as using today’s latest technology, it’s the first dedicated 100% recyclable luggage, a limited edition item and is designed and built in the UK.”

Please go to to Media Centre and download the hi-res images.


There are hi-res images in the Media Centre?


Shit yes. 6.6MB TIFF files. Awesome stuff. TIFF files aren’t ideal as we’ll have to… you don’t care about that, though.


There’s even a LIFESTYLE gallery!!


“What’s the MOST aspirational thing we can associate our suitcase with?”


These next two images tell a story. Look at the woman in the red. See how much she loves the suitcase?


She loved it so much she bought one. Or mugged that couple and stole theirs.


See how easy it is to use? See how she has been empowered to go on international business trips even though she’s just had a baby?


Good luck with that, love. We’ll just sit here with a coffee and watch you struggle.




Unbelievable. Amazing to think it’s just a stupid suitcase.


They are certainly businesspeople to be taken seriously. That’s the impression you get, going on their quality suitcases.

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Nokia makes a phone that looks the same as all the other phones

The Nokia 5230. A rectangle. A screen. A bit curved about the corners. A frightening glimpse into the homogenised future of ALL MANKIND.


Nokia hasn’t released any LIFESTYLE photography of it, either. The best we can take from this is an elaborate fantasy scenario involving “Apphia”.

Nokia 5230 rocks the crowds around the world with a touch of colour

New Delhi, India and Espoo, Finland – The latest addition in the Nokia touch phone portfolio, the Nokia 5230, is designed for those who lead an active life and use their mobile phone as their primary instrument for music, photos and videos, as well as sharing their lives online. With the Nokia 5230, consumers can get new content, be it songs from the Nokia Music Store or apps, games, videos and other services from the Ovi Store, directly from their phones. The solutions offering is complemented by A-GPS navigation and the latest version of Ovi Maps with aerial images, 3D landmarks for over 200 cities and terrain map views for pedestrian and drive navigation.

“Competitively priced at 149 EUR, we believe the Nokia 5230 is an unbeatable offer for many new customers who aspire a device that stars in music, mingles with social networks from Facebook to MySpace, navigates you to where it happens, when it happens, and comes in an array of dazzling colors, ” said Jo Harlow, Vice President, Nokia.

Visiting the Ovi Store from the Nokia 5230 is a breeze. Ovi Store is conveniently accessible from the home screen of the phone and customers can immediately begin downloading and personalizing their phones with popular apps and games to make their phone more fun. New apps, games, videos, and more are added regularly and Ovi Store can be enjoyed on more than 75 Nokia devices and has active users from more than 180 countries.

The Nokia 5230 features an easy to use music player with 33 hours of playback time. In select markets the Nokia 5230 will include Comes With Music service offering truly unbeatable value with all you can eat music. The recommended price of the Nokia 5230 with the Comes With Music service will be 259 EUR before subsidies and taxes. For a mighty music experience, any headphones with a 3.5mm AV connector can be used. In addition, the Nokia 5230 features a Media Bar with quick access to your favorite media and applications, such as music, photos, YouTube or Ovi Share.

The innovative Contacts bar features thumbnail images for up to 20 close friends and provides easy access to them and their communications history including emails, phone calls, photos or other social media updates.

The Nokia 5230 is expected to begin shipping in the fourth quarter of 2009.

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The “Gritty” – incorporating Canon IXUS 100IS photo sample

The words “prod” and “bottom” initially leap out at you. We can only apologise for the lewd tone of today.


“These batteries are ‘gritty’. I got so excited I damaged them while tearing them from their plastic womb. They were part of the parcel. The camera is a Canon Ixus 100IS. ’12 megapixels, 6 of them working’. It’s a fine and sexy camera: very small form factor and – usually – rather good pics” – ‘An anonymous gentleman from Denmark’.

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Not entirely sure what this is at this early stage, but we got two separate press releases about the Nokia Booklet from two separate ‘agencies’ today, so it must be something vaguely important the likes of you might want to read about.


Would it be wrong of us to call it a ‘laptop’?

Nokia Booklet 3G brings all day mobility to the PC world

Espoo, Finland – After more than 25 years as a pioneer and leader in the mobile industry, Nokia will bring its rich mobility heritage and knowledge to the PC world with the new, Windows based, Nokia Booklet 3G.

Powered by the efficient Intel Atom processor, the Nokia Booklet 3G delivers impressive performance with up to 12 hours of battery life, enabling people to leave their power cable behind and still be connected and productive. Delivering the rich experience of a full- function PC inside an ultra-portable aluminum chassis, the new mini- laptop weighs 1.25 kilograms, measures slightly more than two centimeters thin, and has the features one would expect from the world’s leading mobile device manufacturer. A broad range of connectivity options – including 3G/ HSPA and Wi-Fi – gives consumers high speed access to the Internet, including Nokia’s broad suite of Ovi services, and allows them to make the most of every moment and every opportunity.

“A growing number of people want the computing power of a PC with the full benefits of mobility,” said Kai Oistamo, Nokia’s Executive Vice President for Devices. “We are in the business of connecting people and the Nokia Booklet 3G is a natural evolution for us. Nokia has a long and rich heritage in mobility and with the outstanding battery life, premium design and all day, always on connectivity, we will create something quite compelling. In doing so we will make the personal computer more social, more helpful and more personal.”

The mini-laptop also comes with an HDMI port for HD video out, a front facing camera for video calling, integrated Bluetooth and an easily accessible SD card reader. Other premium features include the 10-inch glass HD ready display and integrated A-GPS which, working with the Ovi Maps gadget, can pinpoint your position in seconds and open up access for a truly personal maps experience. The Nokia Booklet 3G also brings a number of other rich Ovi experiences to life, whether its access and playback of millions of tracks through the Nokia Music Store, or using Ovi Suite to sync seamlessly from your Nokia smartphone, to your mini-laptop, to the cloud.

The Nokia Booklet 3G will widen the Nokia portfolio, satisfying a need in the operator channel, and bringing another important ingredient in the move towards becoming a mobile solutions company.

Further information, including detailed specifications, market availability and pricing, will be announced at Nokia World on September 2. For more information on Nokia World, visit:

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Static non-powered object with FACES #34: A “glory hole” and a bin

Darren, who operates this on-message web site and is a bit happy with the old swearing, has TWO facial objects for your enjoyment today. He also has some rude words and an unusual sexual phrase.


“I have a ‘Glory hole‘ with a face for you”.


“Photo is a bit blurry. Sorry, I was getting wanked off at the time”.


“I also saved this rather special approach to a bin, with a surprise at the end”.


“When I first saw this I thought it said Butts and cum (nothing like a slutty bin). Turns out it wants gum, the fucking dick tease” – Darren.

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