Archive for June, 2009:

Nelson Motta’s Laptop Stand

Incorporating Nelson Motta’s WIFE. Or someone quite broadminded and comfortable with her body that Nelson Motta knows and who didn’t mind being reduced to the level of playing a supporting role to a flimsy bit of metal.

There seems to be a company called Nottable that specialises in making and selling laptop stands – and illustrating them with images of women using them in bed.

There’s a video of it, but it only shows a man assembling the thing. That’s not going to ‘go viral’ on YouTube, is it? Who wants to see men assembling things?

The originals are here, if you get more aroused by seeing photographs in their original context.

Not sure if that pad thing for the mouse is included, an accessory sold for additional cost, or the model’s own improvisation.

It is now fully erect.

This poor lady wasn’t featured in high resolution. Do you think she’s happy about that or secretly quite offended?

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EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES: David Keim, Senior Vice President, Chief Risk Officer, Heartland Financial USA, Inc.


Yes, that’s right! David has joined Heartland Financial! The very same Heartland Financial that’s home to our favourite-ever moustached executive Lynn B. Fuller is also now employing this sensational grey stallion!

We are extremely “down with” Heartland Financial’s recruitment policies and the positive discrimination it shows toward men of age with faces of hair. If anyone from Heartland Financial is young enough to know about the internet and is reading this, we would like to volunteer for a work placement. We will do anything. Yes, even that. Yes, probably even that, but only with Lynn as he’s still our favourite.

The press release features Lynn B. Fuller talking about David Keim. It’s too perfect.

David Keim Joins Heartland Financial USA, Inc. as Senior Vice President, Chief Risk Officer

DUBUQUE, Iowa — Heartland Financial USA, Inc. (NASDAQ: HTLF) today announced that David Keim has joined the company in the newly created position of senior vice president, chief risk officer.

Keim will be responsible for leading the risk management function for Heartland Financial and its 10 community banks, including defining and assessing enterprise-wide business risks and facilitating proactive decision-making to effectively manage such risks. Keim will play an integral role in the company’s ongoing efforts to enhance its financial reporting, expense control and risk management systems.

The new position is essential, according to Lynn B. Fuller, president and chief executive officer of Heartland Financial, during this period of expanding regulatory requirements and challenging economic conditions.

“David will help ensure that all of our banks provide value to the marketplace, measure risk and return well, and make effective business decisions that serve our customers, shareholders and stakeholders to the greatest extent possible,” he said.

Keim has spent the past 22 years at Susquehanna Bancshares, a $13-billion bank holding company in Pennsylvania. For five of those years, he was its chief risk officer. He has led several divisions within the organization, including risk management, loan review, credit oversight, compliance, audit and corporate insurance.

Keim was Susquehanna’s chief credit officer as well as its director of corporate loan review and president of the company‚Äôs commercial small ticket leasing company.

Keim graduated with a bachelor’s degree in finance from Drexel University, Philadelphia. He is also a graduate of the Stonier Graduate School of Banking-Rutgers University.

He is actively involved in many professional organizations, including the Risk Management Association and the Bank Administration Institute.

About Heartland Financial USA:
Heartland Financial USA, Inc. is a $3.6-billion diversified financial services company providing commercial and retail banking, mortgage, wealth management, insurance and consumer finance services to individuals and businesses. The company has 61 banking locations in 41 communities in Iowa, Illinois, Minnesota, Wisconsin, New Mexico, Arizona, Montana and Colorado. Additional information about Heartland Financial USA, Inc. is available at

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NEW BLOG IDEA: Cataloguing all of the French recycling bins

Morgan returns with Face-Having French Recycling Bins #107 and #101. This could go viral, especially in France. And with environmentalists.

“The forces are massing. Here’s number 101 and 107. Maybe they are about to wipe out France. Can’t see anyone being particularly bothered. I promise this is it. Although you can wait with baited breath for my ‘surprised looking castle towers with hats on’ which I will send when my self esteem recovers a point or two. Yours, circling the drain” – Morgan.

Actually, it’s probably best if Morgan takes over the day-to-day running of the blog about getting all of the French recycling bins. He’s obviously keen.

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*Jingle* Promotional Image of the Weeeeek

It’s for Ductbusters. They clean ducts either by hand or with specialised equipment.

We can’t help but imagine “Ductbusters” as the name of an extremely hardcore pornography series in which these two men accost random women in the street, take them back to their hotel room after a mere two minutes of small talk, and proceed to BUST their DUCTS wide open.

To the best of our knowledge, neither of these men has ever had sex with a women they’ve met in the street in a hotel room after only two minutes of small talk.

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The humble bean bag gets a LIFESTYLE MAKEOVER

You will not believe how versatile the NU-WAVE bean bag is. If you thought bean bags were just for sitting on and getting ever closer to the floor until you eventually slide off it and give up and just sit on the bloody floor – THINK AGAIN.

It’s not even called a bean bag any more – it’s a Lojo Ball. You could probably also do “SEX ON” (not pictured).

Submitted by a “Neil” who, we’d imagine, is a 20-something East London hipster who’s just moved into a new loft apartment and is looking for a cutting edge seating solution to complement his modern lifestyle.

We have requested high-res versions. We requested them two days ago and they haven’t come yet, hence this placeholder low-res update. If they check their internet referral logs and manage to put two and two together, it’s unlikely we’ll ever get the high-res versions now.

If you need a cast-iron, 100% guarantee that this is a stratospherically shite idea – it’s been featured in the Daily Mirror. In, er, 2007. Don’t copy this update for your blog thinking it’s new news, OK?

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CELEBRITY HOLDING: Stephen Fry doing a great job with Nokia’s N97

Look at this. Not only does he definitely know what he’s talking about when it comes to different types of phone, Fry even understands what makes a good product display hold.

The corners of the N97 are marginally obscured, but the main features and logos are all visible. You can’t get much better than that with big, clumsy man hands.

Here, he’s asking a very hard and serious question about UK HSDPA coverage maps and potential maximum future speed upgrades. You can tell by his expression that’s he’s not meekly swallowing the company line. What a man. What a professional.

We just had to Google HSDPA to check if it’s HSDPA or HSPDA. We got it wrong and had to change it. Different league.

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Gadgets with FACES #151: A 400 Watt Power Dome Mini Generator

The idea is you charge it up at home, and can then spend your entire camping holiday in the tent on the internet while your partner goes on walks to look at trees and funny kinds of mushrooms.

After a couple of nights you will inevitably get bored and start mucking about with that clamp. On low DC voltages it might be quite pleasant. More details, including a depressingly dull rear shot, here.

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Reader of the Month: “Totor” and his astonishing “Battery Archaeology”

Brace yourselves. “Totor” has included scientific shots, erotic shots and high-resolution detailed images from all possible angles. You will also learn the Italian for “Heavy Duty” if you read Totor’s explanations, plus the text is given an added flavour by being written with a slight accent.

He also tries to fit in by making a joke about keeping women in confined spaces.

We IN NO WAY deserve the luxury of this amazing material, and have communicated as such in a personal email of thanks to Totor sent at approximately 10:02pm on the evening of 15 June 2009.

“Here are the photos of a very old battery found in a equally old keyholder. With such a high quality material, you can launch your battery coverage with great style and high scientific content.”

“This is the keyholder, dating from the 6th decade of the 20th century.”

“In this orifice, many many years ago, when Extra Last was known as Idiot Toys, even before the last good Sonic game, was a small light bulb. ‘This can mean only one thing’, did I thought: ‘This keyholder was ELECTRICALLY POWERED’.

“This picture is just for the purpose of building an erotic tension.”

“A small battery!”

“A very old small battery, and rather well conserved!”

“Even after all these years in the darkness of the inner cavity of this keyholder, her metallic arse (let’s say it’s a female) still seems to be quite fit, and absolutely not leaking. It’s good to know for people with a passion for keeping women in basements.”

“Artistic shot: a reflection about time passing, as we juxtapose a keyholder from last century and one for the new generation, featuring a character nowadays youth is fond of!”

“Scientific shots: rotation on the vertical axis. Palaeographers identified this battery as an Italian one.”

“‘ERPILA’ stands for the still existing ‘SUPERPILA’ brand! ‘SUPERPILA’ is best translated as ‘SUPERBATTERY’, which mean you can’t go wrong with them.”

“Scientific shots: ‘alta capacita’ is the Italian for ‘heavy duty’. Was this extremely advanced technology already known to the Romans? Amazing concretion on the orange area.”

“Scientific shots: this extreme close-up lets us appreciate the bad quality printing and the fibre fabric of the postwar paper industry in Mediterranean Europe.”

“Ink and colors somewhat resistant.”

“Erotic shot: a battery nipple, red wax, all in manual focus virtuosity.”

“Appeasing shots, post erotic climax.”

“Large view, with all know elements and a background for connoisseurs.”

“Same thing, but the producer insisted to include Opa Opa” – Totor.

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Gadgets with FACES about #150 or thereabouts: A speaker

Sent in last October by a “Greg”. Sorry it’s taken from October until now, Greg. We get a lot of emails. Hope you haven’t moved on. Greg says it’s of a speaker somewhere inside the BBC, which is exciting.

He suggested it looks like a bear in a gimp mask.

Could also be Matt Lucas, from that TV programme in which they say the same thing over and over again until people think it’s probably supposed to be funny so surrender and start laughing even though they don’t really know why they’re laughing.

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Celebrate the arrival of the new MacBook Pro range with… Steve

Another new Apple specialist. Clearly Apple’s latest product line refresh also came with a bit of budget for photography. If you are one of our six confirmed female readers he is going to be your favourite.

His name has to be “Steve” and women often go into the Apple store to ask him questions they already know the answers to, like “Can I play all kinds of music on it?” and “Does the telephone work like a normal telephone?”

Steve then says “Sure, let me show you” and moves in really close to demonstrate the correct operation of the ladies’ iPhones and iPods. He is so used to being around women and close to women that it’s not even a big thing for him.

We are not jealous, we just naturally know not to bother looking up from the ground if there are any Steves around.

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