Next up to offer us a manly shoulder to cry on as we try to carry on as if everything is the same as it always has been and nothing has been RUINED for EVER, is Morgan. Morgan Hertel.

You know, Morgan. The Director of Operations for Mace CSSS.

You know, Morgan. Face like it’s been vacuumed. Skin so soft the ladies from accounts are always making excuses to give him a stroke, as it reminds them of when they were young enough to be able to have babies. That Morgan. Morgan who’s always wearing those wacky ties. Charming man.

Hopefully he doesn’t spend his spare time Googling himself and complaining about what he’s found, like some of the moustachioed cunts we’ve featured before.